I’m a TESOL student - get me out of here

Becoming totally TESOLated by Friday last week (27th Nov), I am now in a position to restart the blog. I passed the exam, part of which was a 2 hour written paper composed of three sections: grammar; phonetics and lesson planning. This test was a personal triumph which I romped through gaining an exciting and rewarding 52%! A small miracle conjured from the course administrators, Lisa and Anna. They are either well paid or have a strange sadomasochistic spirit dwelling in their beings which tempts them to subject unsuspecting passers-by to an exhausting, excoriating, initiation in the art of English Language teaching. They are the Ant and Dec of TESOL

The course was a version of “I’m a Celebrity...” without the insects and food. Never have I endured such a nerve wracking 4 week period. The contestants (AKA as the student teachers), shed tears; smiled through gritted teeth; hugged and hissed; competed; in one case just sadly disappeared, and generally presented a public image of competence in delivering lessons to students of English who had volunteered largely, I suspected to keep out of the rain. Amazingly they seemed to actually learn English; which was the object of the exercise I was once pithily reminded by either Ant or Dec.

In order that the contestants (student teachers) could appreciate the difficulty in learning a foreign language and to understand the darkness and isolation that could envelope one when faced with a totally alien linguistic environment we were taught Norwegian by a jack-in-the-box called Jake! In my life I have never encountered anyone so animated in the face of complete ignorance. How he could have summoned up such enthusiasm can only be attributable to mind altering drugs or intense bouts of yoga. And I hope it’s the latter. Anyway if I am ever strolling the streets of Hammerfest I can now politely ask the name of a passing reindeer - Q. Hva heter du A. Jeg Heter Rudolph. If Jake stumbles on these words – “Respect!!!”

What I do now with the certificate, at my age, is beyond me for the immediate moment but I could never replicate these last few weeks. Never could I wish to engage with such a great group of contestants. As for Ant and Dec I know they know I love them really. For instance I hope that you don’t ever again have to consult your astrological chart to check out that the boyfriend isn’t shacked up with someone else. I hope also that I will receive good vibes sent down the appropriate channels.

To, Emma, Catia, Kat, Ben, John, Ania, Jane, Ivana, Cristina and to Gus who didn’t make the finale I offer you my greetings from Worthy Heights

To the course teachers (far left; far right and centre with chin in palm) thanks!

"Nice, very nice, yessssss, that was excellent, nice”